How do you sum up nearly 50 years marriage in a short funeral service? Not to mention 45 years of parenthood, grandparenthood, and 70 something years of life and friendship? It can feel overwhelming to try and condense everything you feel and everything they were with words alone. That’s how Fiona felt when she got in touch with me to sing at her husband David’s funeral.

The beauty of music conveys so much more than a message, it conveys emotion, intent and the time to process one’s feelings. When giving a speech seems overwhelming or even pointless, music can say everything you need to say. Fiona wanted her feelings and tributes to be through songs.

Songs For A Proud Welshman

David was a proud Welshman, and Fiona chose ‘Land of my Fathers’ in Welsh, sung by Llanelli Male Voice Choir for the entrance of his coffin. I couldn’t help but smile as I heard the music, knowing he was a big Welsh rugby fan, imagining him smiling and proud of his heritage. It was so fitting for him – a perfect introduction to his life celebration. Choosing music that is connected to the deceased is so important – my encouragement to all the people I help is not to be afraid of picking songs that they loved or that summed them up well, even if they are a bit outlandish or wildly different to what others would pick!

After a tribute and a poem, I led the congregation in ‘Guide Me O Thou Great Redeemer’ – another Welsh hymn. I found a fantastic organ version of this for a backing track, which gave us the feel of those big church services, without having an organist at all.

We then went in to David’s eulogy, another poem, ‘Dad’, and a visual tribute – a reel of photos from birth to his final years set to Ed Sheeran’s ‘Photograph’. This was a truly lovely few moments. ‘Photograph’ is a perfect song at this point.

Songs You Didn’t Think You’d Choose

One of the songs Fiona was particularly keen on was ‘One More Day’ by Diamond Rio. “I’m not a country fan at all but it has rather got under my skin,” she wrote. 

One more day, One more time, One more sunset, maybe I’d be satisfied

But then again, I know what it would do, Leave me wishin’ still for one more day with you

It was a pleasure to learn it especially for the day. 

The funeral ended with 1 Corinthians 13, “Love is patient, love is kind.” It’s usually read out at weddings, perhaps David and Fiona had it at theirs. It ends with, “Love never fails”. Love is there to be celebrated in life and in death, and there was such a lot of love in the room for David. Grief is proof that we loved deeply, extravagantly, enduringly.

Classic Songs Are Classic For A Reason

I then sang ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’. The melody of this song holds such emotion but the words… “Did you ever know that you’re my hero?” I can fly higher than an eagle for you are the wind beneath my wings.” That’s true even after his passing.

The closing music as the congregation left the room was Time To Say Goodbye and the service was led beautifully by Jacqueline Carter.

Every funeral is unique and so should it be. Don’t be afraid of going against the tide with your choices of songs, readings, celebrants, venues, wakes… Take your time to celebrate, grieve, connect and remember, it’s worth it.